50 Shades of Grey is not so much an erotic book. As much as it’s a “pssst” to others.

A few years ago my advertising firm got to pitch a lingerie account. And one thing I learned is some women like to wear sexy underwear, even under their professional businesses suits and in work settings because it can make them feel sexy. A feeling of sexiness, perhaps erotic feelings, even though no one else can see it. Perhaps the knowledge of self sensing and quietly acknowledging their own sensuality is like winking a sly thought to yourself. And often, a quiet risqué wish for someone out there to stumble upon your secret. The secret that behind the highly professional exterior, is a passionate stunningly erotic person.

Men don’t put on sexy underwear But a similar dress concept is not foo far off.

To a man, that’s like wearing a Batman costume underneath your suit to feel adventurous. Most of us actually don’t do that. But the idea of Batman and Bruce Wayne’s appeal to most men is like 50 Shades of Grey Christian Grey’s appeal to both men and women. For men:  If only she knew behind this ordinary exterior is this dark and mysterious person that is unpredictable and is an adventure to know.

Why? Because men want someone to know. But Batman as Bruce Wayne doesn’t tell every woman his secret identity. He finds women, who sense something under the surface that draws them closer. Like emotionally hearing a faint voice from the basement. Wayne finds women that sense a man that  is complex, passionate and mysterious. And in reality, women want their mysterious side exposed, too. For someone to somehow hear or discover that side of them under wraps behind sensible shoes and a conservative blouse.

The growing and seemingly academic conversation about 50 Shades of Grey allows people to be “sexy” underneath their exterior. it is the faintly heard wish. And like a hardly heard sentence. Sometimes the purpose is not to be clearly heard by everyone, but attract the right person curious enough to double back and confidently start that conversation. And discover a whole new person.