Analysis of media issues, politics and current events.
Bill O’Reilly is right. There is a War on Christmas. Here’s another now-unclassified file obtained from people on both sides fighting in this brutal war.
Dispatch from the War On Christmas:
Camp Blitzen, Afghanistan
Waterboarded, err…I mean made a convincing argument to an elf we captured. The elf revealed that Santa has been secretly turned by subliminal messages embedded in Live with Kelly & Michael. Adopting a secret Christmas-hating name (ACLU Fred), Santa has renounced all loyalty to American Christmas and is now being funded by George Soros, the Koch Brothers and a secret pro-abortion faction of the Girl Scouts that’s working with the Legion of Doom to weaken America. A coalition funding the production of brand name toys to give to kids for free. Free stuff ingeniously designed to teach kids to be “takers”– stealth socialist training to weaken our kids by training them to expect handouts via Santa’s “gifts.” And the naughty and nice list is actually now a database for highly trained latte drinking black op teams to round up everyone who joyfully hangs Christmas stockings. Codename: “Project Acorn Extreme.” The elf says that now with Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan out of the way by giving them the wrong copy of the U.S. Census causing them to miscalibrate their campaign strategy, Santa’s horrific gift-giving destroy America plan is now ready to go forward.
In light of this shocking news, the supreme allied commander of the War on Christmas at SleighCom has given the order. Santa must be stopped. By any means necessary.